Well the last two days has been living hell in many ways. Trying to handle the depression of others around you who think their years of work has been lost. It’s difficult to keep positive when you have all this negative energy around you and you try and keep your team positive and from the very top the negative and depressive energy emanates.
Then you still have to deal with clients on a minute to minute basis and still keep your composure becomes a skill. To keep your inner and personal depression to yourself and not show it to your colleagues who are affected by the negative input already.
I have to remain strong not just for my own sanity but for those who work with me. Today was such a day again. There is always a solution to technical problems no matter how difficult they may be. Be it the software, hardware or server.
Taking everything in your stride and enduring to the end that is the key. To problem solve and research all avenues until they seem exhausted, you will find a solution. To try and pass this wisdom onto the very top is very difficult when they are disillusioned and almost give up when things just don’t seem to go right. This is not the way.
I am not well this evening and waited until I got home and lay down for a while. I could not eat today because my concerns where for the company morale and keeping my colleagues spirits up including the top brass.
Been HIV+ and been under so much duress and stress is not good for the immune system. I have been through this scenario before with previous employers and have come out on top. It’s the cost of my personal health in the end but I will give my best and fight for the product I believe in.
My partner (web developer) has been under immense pressure and tonight he has gone to bed he is so tired. Yesterday he almost burst into tears as the system was not working properly. He has devoted over a year on his project and felt disappointed that Windows did not deliver. As usual we found out party it could be the hard drives we are using on our server that could be a problem.
I am disappointed in the management as they should be strong, no matter what adversity might come their way which directly affects us the staff. If the boss is depressed and not happy it passes down to his workers and that is not healthy.
I am a realistic person and investigate all resources before reaching a conclusion and would be the first to say, “Well guys this is not going to work and we have to face up to realty and live with it!”
I am so tired and exhausted right now, just glad to be at home and be with the one that I love. Tomorrow is another day and I believe it will be better.
To all my fellow workers who read my blog, guys keep your heads up and never surrender without you I could not have made it today as well.
Together we will pull through and let us show the management all things can be done no matter what may come our way, and if there are problems we will handle it face on.
I wish you all a good evening.
“One thing I have learnt been HIV+, is to never give up!”
Mark Gavin Farrell
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