We all have the right to dignity no matter if we are HIV+ or HIV-! Over the years I have seen many newly diagnosed HIV+ people go into despair for various reasons. They just seem to loose hope when they are confronted by discrimination in their own communities. When I attended the Cape Town International Conference in 1995, many horrors where discussed.
There was so much anger and hate and some did not even care if they passed the virus onto to others. Not much has changed in the world today. It saddens me to hear that there are still some and that is now in the minority still are out there and don’t inform the other party that they are HIV+ and have unsafe sex and possibly infect the one that they are with.
To me this is not love but almost an act of revenge. You hear of men who have sex and don’t care a dam who they infect. The problem is that they can create a new strain of the virus which will be resistant to any treatment.
There are so many countries out there that do not respect the rights of individual that are HIV+ no matter if they are straight or gay and this still continues to this day.
We have to change our mindset and try and better the lot of those who are less fortunate around the world. I have had the experience where one of my earlier employees’s wanted me to resign because I declared that I was HIV+. I eventually lied and said that I was not to safeguard my job. Only after a little while when things cooled down did I reveal that I was really HIV+ and only then did they accept me. Of course I had to run educational courses on HIV to all staff but in the end it worked out well. My second job of 12 years I worked over 12hrs a day and was subjected to working over 42hrs without sleep.
These are just some of the things that I have been through over the years. One of the most recent which happened earlier last year at a reputable institution which was an international nursing company asked me for a confidential medical report after three interviews. Because I have revealed my status I don’t really mind but on principle the way they handled the situation was not correct. Firstly I was told that the florescent lights could affect my health by the HR who had worked in the HIV field, where she sucked this from I don’t really know. Yes florescent lights do play a possible health hazard that I am fully aware of but that applies to HIV- people as well.
The second incident was when I took my certificate of good health to the office; a manager took it and placed in on his desk in full open view. To me this is not on and a direct violation of my constitutional rights. I sent several emails after they did not contact me to inform that I was unsuccessful in the job. I had asked them either to return it to me or destroy the letter. To this day I don’t know if they have done it. I am just too tired to continue fighting with these guys.
The same applied with my battle for over a year with my second employer of 12 years which just closed his doors and did not leave us with a cent. After approaching government and local party leader and many, many consultations I just gave up. At this time I was depressed and felt dismayed in our constitution which was supposed to protect me against such people such as my previous boss. I believed in a lie by staying loyal to him for all those years and almost dying in the process. I sacrificed everything to keep his business running and in the end he still walks around free and not prosecuted and unaccountable for his actions. There are so many other staff members and their children that have suffered because of his disgraceful behaviour
But, that is all in the past now and one has to move on.
I will never surrender my principles and dignity not for any person. I will stand by my word and my friends know me for my quality friendship and principles.
I embrace all that come my way with dignity and respect and listen to their individual problems and share and empower them with the wisdom I have gained and only ask one thing that they do the same to others.
Depression, weakness, illness is all part of my life. Been there done it. If you don’t have some sort of spiritual basis in life you can forget surviving. It is important that you have some spiritual belief and a good support system in place.
The project “The Rose Of Life © 1990-2008” is just that. A project website of mine that will provide more than just a communication hub but a bridge to all those in communities where they cant be out.
But that is a dream of mine and to make that realty will take a long time but I will not give up.
Many who come up against obstacles just through in the towel, sorry I just can't do that. No matter how hard and difficult things may be, I just can’t. I follow my heart and conscience.
I have written many emails for help over the years as you can see and to no avail. Now once again I have put my paintings up for sale. If I do sell them I will use the proceeds to buy a laptop and pay for the domain registration and pay off my debt.
To find sponsorship is not easy. I have had many promises but they turned out to be empty. That does not faze me in the least but prompts me even more to take up the cause and carry out my project.
As I have said, if it was not for my partner I don’t know where I would be today. Still doing voluntary work and not getting paid and having to rely on my retired dad and that is not on. As a son it is I who should be giving back to him what he invested in me over the many years. Sadly I cant do that because I am not financially capable so the best thing I can do is give him love and understanding and when I do have spare cash give him something. That is what a son is for.
I am sure there are many people that have been through the same things that I have been through and just keep quiet and let the same instance reoccur, I could not let the same happen again.
With all the problems in the past and the dementia and pain that I am in sometimes, I carry on. Why, you may ask? It’s because my spirit and soul are aflame and I have passion to live and share my coping mechanisms with others. The joy just seeing those overcome makes my day.
At the moment I don’t have much to give except from my pen in the medium I know best which is my blog and sharing philosophy and poetry and my most inner feelings.
Maybe someone out there will read this blog and contact me and listen to my proposals that could effectively bring all NGO’S and all those affected and infected by HIV together.
Another little secrete of mine is that I had to self educate myself, as a child no one knew why I could not concentrate and had memory loss until they found out that I was a temporal lobe epileptic. I was placed on medication and was over medicated to such a point I did not know whether I was coming or going. They said I would not be able to have a normal job and wanted to put me on a state pension. I stopped all the medication myself and today that is the best thing that I did.
No way in hell was I going to allow myself to just lay there and vegetate! I made the call to stop all the bloody medication and take hold of the condition and work around it and make something of myself.
So there you have it, my story and once again just a few seconds in the last 20 years of my life and 17yrs of been HIV+.
I can tell you one thing that the best thing that has happened to me was the HIV virus. It changed my perspective in life and gave me a new goal. My spiritual outlook changed and my talents excelled on a year to year basis as I grew and matured.
I don’t know everything and I will never. I listen to others and their individual wisdom and that is how I have grown and become strong. This not for myself but for the many others that my path has come across in life.
We fear the unknown and death. I fear neither. Passed that stage been there got the T-shirt.
I am neither perfect in my ways as some believe, I am just as human as you are and make many mistakes but try not to repeat them.
Life is a journey and I will be part of the school of wisdom for all eternity.
Thank you for taking the time to read this very long post.
Mark Gavin Farrell
The Rose Of Life © 1990-2008
