It’s the Sunday, 25 May 2008 and its 08:57:41 AM. It’s really been such along time since I have done an update due to many circumstances and my head is still reeling from all the events still transpiring at this current time.
My step mom passed away last Saturday at 3.30pm after a long battle with an infection that she had. She suffered much pain and agony for many months but finally organ failure took place as the infection had spread to other major organs.
This was a tremendous blow to my dad as his soul mate had died and at 77 he was not well himself. Joan (step mom) always put family first and of course her husband, no matter what the cost of pain she was in. I admired her for her courage and choice of a quality life and death with dignity.
My dad has taken the loss very bad and had to be rushed to hospital on Friday afternoon before the funeral and that has saved his life. He is a chronic diabetic and they discovered that he had pancreatitis and some other complications. I and my partner were at this side until he was admitted with other family members.
I left work late and was advised that he was very ill but when I arrived and saw how much pain he was in I was in shock. I could not have another death on my hands.
I have lost my partner a few years ago, now my step mom and this could have been my dad. There are so many decisions to be made about my dad’s health as he needs 24/7 care at the moment. But he is stubborn and loves his independence and we will have to see if we can afford a care giver who can look after him. At this stage I am not financially able to pay for high care for him.
I am in such a rut and forget my house keys at work in the rush to get to my dad. When I found out that I had misplaced my keys, all horror scenarios went through my head, thinking that I had left them in the gate and we had been robbed and so on.
But finally yesterday my boss told me that I had left them at work could I calm down.
My blood line ends with myself as there is no other heir as I am the last surviving son after my mom (birth) brothers and sisters died many years ago, so it’s just my dad and myself.
My partner has been supportive and my dad loves him very much and I could see the joy in his face yesterday when he saw me and Derek.
I have had to change my priorities now and due to his health have to prepare to sit down with him and other family members and work out a programme for him and his future.
As his only son it’s my responsibility to see to him as he has been an outstanding father to me over the many years.
He could not even attend his own (dad) wife’s funeral as he was so weak and that is really sad. Thank goodness a video was taken and he will be able to see it at a later stage.
Besides all of this I have had to cope with been ill myself and I know that my CD4 count is going to take a knock but that is just part of life.
But when you have an amazing support system to take you through all of this, all seems ok.
It’s back to work tomorrow and I hope I can focus on what I am doing as I am still worried about my dad’s health and to insure that he recovers and lives a long life full of love and is surrounded by his friends.
I am so tired from all the emotions and that is taking a toll on me. I am so upset about not been around all the time for my dad but that is due to work issues and on Thursday I was made aware of his condition and did not take off work or was at this side, even though the boss new of the situation. On Friday he assumed that my partner would come back to work after he had dropped me off, but my dad was so weak that Derek had to help me take him to the toilet and so on.
We should not take chances if there is an emergency we should just take off work and the boss should be understanding enough to accept that you are partners and that support is needed.
But any case that is water under the bridge and I will update later on again
Love Mark
